Little Darling. . .

I’m a skeptic of all things that aren’t concrete. I like having explanations for why things are the way they are. I struggle to accept signs sometimes. . . but I have found myself accepting that the following is a good sign and I’m going to embrace that.

When we transferred Embryo Baby Fin our team asked me what kind of music we wanted to listen to during the procedure. . . those of you who know me well, know that I’ll listen to just about anything (as long as it isn’t screaming at me). As they prepped me and brought the embryologist in to do the actual transfer, the song Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles was on. I love this song, I love The Beatles. We wrapped up the procedure and went on our merry way.
A few weeks later I went in for my confirmation blood test and low and behold, Here Comes the Sun comes on my playlist on the drive home. . . I thought nothing of it though, this song is clearly on my playlist for a reason haha.
A few weeks after that I was back down in Rochester for a confirmation ultrasound with my care team. As I was walking out of my appointment and through the sub-level of the Charlton building, I hear the familiar tune being played on one of the lobby pianos. . . Here Comes the Sun.
I got a little teary eyed – what are the odds I’d hear this song so many times during such important times in my journey to Fin?
It became my song – it was my go-to pick me up song throughout the entire pregnancy with Mr. Findley.

Fast forward to a few days ago. I found myself back in Rochester for a quick ultrasound appointment.
As I’m laying on the exam table making small talk with the Sonographer, I start to hear “do do do do, it’s all right” and cue the tears yet again. I shit you not, Here Comes the Sun is playing again. I wish I was making this up.
I get dressed and come back out the exam room and tell the Sonographer my story, I explained to her how often I had heard this song when I went through the transfer process with my son, and how hearing it again then gave me so much hope for this next round.

I’m skeptical. I’ve experienced a significant amount of loss the last 7 years. I’ve learned that too much hope can lead to more painful heartache, but not enough hope means crossing in to the path of giving up altogether.
I have had to mentally prepare myself for the worst this go around, while also still hoping for the best. I have to believe this transfer is going to work, but have to know that things don’t always work out the way we want them to.
I will however, accept that this song is my sign. This song got me through one successful transfer and pregnancy. This song gave me just a little extra confidence going in to this final embryo transfer. No matter what the outcome will be, the sun will still come. No matter what, I’ll be alright.

xoxo

A