Strength

“Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.”
_{– Rikki Rogers}

I decided to go back and count how many injections I’ve given myself over the last 3 years. . .
205
205 self administered injections. In my abdomen, my thighs, and my hips.
You’d think after that many shots that I’d just be a pro, that I’d be able to grab that syringe and just go right at it no problems, right? WRONG!

I did my first injection for this round on Tuesday. I got the medication prepped, cleaned a small area of skin near my belly button, got my needle ready and the just stood there. It took a solid 5 minutes of standing there before I was able to stab the tiny thing in to my belly fat. 5 minutes of positive self talk and Fin and Marty standing next to me saying “go mama go!” “I can’t do this.” These words came out faster than I could even think about them. Finally after Marty told me to “just do it already” I got that needle in there and injected the 10 mL of medication. Piece. Of. Cake. It was as easy as I remembered it being 3 years ago. Fin was so excited, “mama did it!”. Marty just laughed, “all that build up for that?”.
I just let out a big old sigh of relief. I did it. One step closer, one day closer, one injection closer to another hopeful pregnancy.

But ya’ll, why was it so hard? It truly seems like it should just be a simple task. Why was I so convinced I couldn’t do it?
My brother is a diabetic, and I’ve watched him give himself insulin shots hundreds of times and he just does it – no thought, no hesitation – he is the most bad ass of all bad asses.
Why do I constantly question my capabilities and my strength when it comes to this? Why do I doubt myself? Why can’t I acknowledge the 205 shots I’ve done leading up to this?

I need to change this narrative. . .

I have now completed 2 self-administered injections for this next round. The second one was significantly easier than the first, but still took a lot of build up.

It took repeating the following a few times for me to “man up” and do it. . .
I am strong.
I am capable.
I am a bad ass bitch and nothing can stop me.
I will do this.
I can do this.
Hell yes, I did it.

If a little self talk is all it takes to make this process easier, then count me all in.
I’m going to knock this round out of the park – and there will be a squishy little baby waiting for me at the finish line.

Stay strong my friends – you’re capable of so much more than you realize.

xoxo

A